Right Where I Need to Be
by Swarek-Malfoy
Summary: Logan walked out on a pregnant Lulu, something he promised himself he'd never do. Now their son is 3 months old and Logan desperatly wants to be the father to his son that his father never was to him. A story of family and forgivness...Lugan


**Disclaimer : Sadly I don't own anything**

**Right Where I Need to Be**

He ran. He ran because he was scared, but couldn't he see that I was scared too? The first time this happened I was 17 and it still haunts me to this day, I was pregnant and alone. Now 3 years later it happened again. I thought this time was different, but apparently not. He was there for me through thick and thin; my father's death, my mother's illness…but he just couldn't stick around for this. His child. I would have thought with all he went through growing up without a father that he'd want to be there for his kid, but no…like father like son. The worst part of it is that bastard had the guts to stay in town. He saw our son countless times, but he'd always walk in the opposite direction. Jamie is 3 months old, he needs his father but that just isn't going to happen.

The knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts; it was probably Lucky or Sam, the only ones that were really there for me and Jamie. I was shocked to see it was neither of them. It took all my strength not to slam the door in his face…because there stood the man of my dreams, the man that broke my heart.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I asked angrily, careful not to wake Jamie

"I…I miss you" he told me, pfft what a joke

"Bullshit" I said

"And I… I wanted to see Jamie"

"No!" I yelled "You don't get to do that, you don't get to walk in and out of his life as you please. I won't let you hurt him like you hurt me"

"Lulu please, I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry" he pleaded for me to forgive him "Please let me see my son"

I folded my arms across my chest as if to shield my heart from getting more broken than it already was "Why the sudden change Logan? Why now?"

"Because…" he started "I realized that I made the worst mistake of my life, I should never have walked out on you and Jamie. I didn't know how to be a father, I was…scared"

"You think I wasn't scared?" I asked "I thought it would be different with you, but it wasn't. When you walked away I knew I was going to be alone in this, but I did it anyway and I wouldn't change that little boy for anything"

Before Logan could say anything, the baby's cries traveled through the apartment, so I left the room. I returned a few moments later with the baby in my arms "Shh, it's okay sweetie. Mommy's here"

I was awestruck, how did I walk away from this? All my life I told myself that I wouldn't be like my father and I'd be there for my kid, but I chickened out, I left Lulu when she needed me most. I watched her grow with my child in her belly, I missed out on the first 3 months of my sons life all because I couldn't step up like a man and take responsibility. But now it's different. I want to be here, I need to be here, I need Lulu and Jamie in my life.

Lulu glared at me before she sat Jamie who was still fussing down in his swing then went to the kitchen. I took this chance to sit down with my son. I couldn't help but smile at his pudgy cheeks and his eyes…he had my eyes.

"Hey buddy" I said "I…I'm your daddy"

He was still fussing so instinctively I picked him up out of his swing and rocked him. He immediately stopped crying. But now it was my turn, I could tell I had tears in my eyes. My son, he smiled a toothless grin and squealed happily. The tears just poured down my cheeks.

I returned to the living room with a bottle for Jamie, but I saw that he wasn't in his swing; instead…he was in Logan's arms. When I heard my little boy squeal with joy, it melted my heart. Logan must have heard me walk into the room because he turned around and looked at me. The sight was one I rarely saw…Logan Hayes in tears.

"How did I walk away from this?" he choked out

There was so much emotion in his voice that I shed my own tears.

"When I told you I was pregnant, you didn't say a word, you just walked away, that's how you did it" I told him bitterly "Like father like son, it's in your blood to run when things get tough; I should have thought about that before ever getting involved with you"

I immediately regretted those words. He looked so defeated as he sat on the couch; it was as if me saying that made it that much more true to him.

"Logan…" I started although I had no idea what to say

He just shook his head "It's alright, I uh…can I just…can I hold him for a bit longer…please?" he managed to choke out; he was almost begging and desperately trying to hold back his tears. I couldn't bring myself to say no to him.

I held out the bottle "Um do you want to feed him?" I asked

Logan looked absolutely shocked, he silently nodded his head and took the bottle, he held it up to Jamie's lips and he immediately took it "That's better eh buddy? You were just hungry" Logan said softly

After Jamie finished his bottle, Logan put it on the coffee table then he shifted Jamie so his head was resting over his shoulder and he began patting his back gently until he burped. The sight just warmed my heart, it was if he was born to be a dad; I could see that he absolutely adored Jamie…maybe it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance to be the father to his son that his father never was to him.

"Um Logan, it's getting late" I said

Logan nodded his head sadly "Ok I…I'll go, I'm sorry I bothered you" he struggled to move Jamie and not wake him up. He thought I was kicking him out…it broke my heart

"No, no I didn't mean it like that" I said as I sat down beside him "I was just wondering if you wanted to stay here tonight?"

His head shot right up "Really?" he asked, his eyes filled with hope

I nodded "Yeah…um I want to talk to you some more"

"Okay" he said then looked down at Jamie "Well this little guy's asleep so…"

I smiled "Come on, I'll show you to his room"

I followed her to a room that was painted light blue, a crib against one wall, a dresser and a change table against the opposite wall. I couldn't help but think that I should have been here to do this, I should have been the one to paint the nursery, I should have been here to put the furniture together, I should have been here to see my son being born, I should have been here for him, I should've been here for Lulu. But I wasn't, I turned chickenshit and ran out on her when she needed me most. I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason she wants to talk to me is to tell me to leave her alone and to stay the hell out of her and Jamie's life; but I'm not gonna do that, I'm not gonna run again and I'm not gonna give up without a fight.

I put Jamie down gently in his crib then I leaned down and kissed his head softly, then I whispered "I love you Jamie, I…I promise I'll never leave you again"

I turned around and saw the tears building up in her eyes; I felt my eyes begin to water as well. I followed her back out to the living room and sat beside her on the couch; we sat in silence for the longest time, just listening to Jamie's breathing on the baby monitor; finally she spoke first.

"Logan…I wish you were there for Jamie when he was born, but you weren't. I…I don't trust you not to walk out on us again, I just can't" she told me and my heart shattered, this was it…this was when she told me to go "But I want you to be in his life, he needs a father…he needs you. When you promised him that you'd never leave him again I…I believed you, I saw the truth in your eyes and I heard it in your voice. Jamie couldn't ask for a better father"

The tears were pouring down my cheeks once again and my heart soared. What more could I ask for? I was being given a second chance to be there for my family and I am damn well not gonna ruin it.

"And Logan, I…I still love you" she whispered so softly that I was sure I was hearing things, but by the look in her eyes I knew I heard right. It took all my strength not to jump for joy; instead I took a very risky chance and kissed her. When she kissed me back, for a moment I thought this was just a dream; but when I felt her tongue graze across my lips, I knew this was real. The kiss grew more passionate and I was soon on my back with Lulu practically on top of me; as hard as it was, I pulled away…I had to tell her how I felt.

"Lulu, I love you too, I always have" I told her "Leaving you was the worst mistake of my life, never again" I smiled when she put her head down on my chest "I promise that I'm here for you and Jamie through thick and thin, for better or worse…" I stopped when she giggled softly

"You sound like you're making wedding vows" she said and I chuckled

"You know what?" I said then I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small box; I opened it and she gasped when she saw the ring "I've been carrying this around for a little over a year now, I just never felt the time was right hell now sure isn't the right time, but I need to do this. Lulu I…I want you to hold onto this for me" I slowly slipped the ring on her finger "I don't want you to answer now, just tell me when you're ready if you ever are, then I'll ask you again. Until then I want you to hold onto this and every time you look at it, I want you to know that no matter what I'm here and that I'm never leaving you and Jamie again…and I'm never gonna give up on us"

I could feel the wet spot forming on my shirt under her head "I missed you Logan" I heard her say

I kissed the top of her head softly and told her "I missed you too sweetheart, so much"

It didn't take long for us both to comfortably fall asleep in each others arms. My last thoughts before drifting off were that I would never do anything to ruin this, I'm right where I need to be…with my family.

**The End**


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